I have fumed for years over the treatment the gay community gets from our “leadership.” I do not understand who picks these people except to assume that they are the result of an inbreed system where an organization chooses people to represent the community who look and act like them. We are gay, we are not like them and it is wrong to make that our image of two dumpy queens in Khakis and tacky sweaters. It is even worse to make that the image we present to those who already feel different and are struggling.
When I was growing up the only gays I knew about were Paul Lynde and Liberace. I knew I was different and I knew people like them liked boys, but I was not like them. That left me even more alienated. It is as though the gay movement is trapped in an I Love Lucy episode. Two twin bed and no pda.
The biggest difference between gays and straights is sex. Pure and simple. We are not a doddering couples on nightly walks with our “westies.” It is what makes us different. Instead of celebrating our sexuality and sexual identity, we hide that part away from public view, especially at “Pride” events. I know this because I am guilty of it in the first degree. I always worried about the picture that would make the newspaper, or trying to be family friendly. Now I still think that at a public event that we need to obey the law and respect the neighbors. On the other hand, we cannot celebrate the diversity of the GLBT community at the same time we limit or sanitize our message.
The worst of their offenses, is that they try to say gay relationships are just like straight ones. They’re not! What HRC and other gay rights groups would like to sell the straight public is that gay couples are just like straight married couples. In some cases they are monogamous and have been together forever and raise their kids behind white picket fences. What they don’t want people to see is that many, maybe most gay couples, even those legally married, civilly unionized, or otherwise common-law, are inviting guys over for three-ways or groups, playing around with other guys on the side, or engaged in other activities. Straight people have “swingers clubs” but there are more “non-traditional activities” among gays. It might be because gay men are hornier, but I doubt that. Men are pigs no matter what they are chasing. I think it is because we can be. Also, unlike the republican evangelicals, we are loathed to try to control another persons body. Many have outgrown traditional myths equating sex to love. As they say “sex without love is called exercise.”
Time and again media outlets have refused to show advertising involving gays posed in the exact poses as comparable opposite sex couples. The reasoning is that it makes people feel uncomfortable and parents don’t want to have to explain same sex attraction to their children. I am not inclined to apology that my life makes anyone uncomfortable. The Constitution may give Fred Phelps, Rick Santorum, Rush Limbaugh and other christians the right to believe and express stupid ideas. It does not however protect them from being offended my friends, my life or me.
The HRC has one objective, the survival of the HRC and personal access to the “A-list” parties. Therefore then need to be “non-confrontational.” They need to be presentable to the mainstream Washington elite. Time and again they try to say we are just like everyone else. We are not. Recently I sat at a table with 10 gay men and couples. One of the men made the same stupide statement. I challenged him. I ask the people at the table if they had met a porn star. All but one indicated that they had. I asked how many at the table had been involved in group-sex. Every one responded in the affirmative. I then ask how may thought a table of ten straight couples in Iowa would give the same answers. Point made. Gay men by and large are not confined to the traditional taboos of a Victorian society. Sex and attraction are part of how we are wired. How most of the last two centuries we have been sexual outlaws able to create and define ourselves. Please don’t make us into repressed caricatures of ourselves. It is an outrage to be marching to the beat of “We’re here – we’re QUEER get use to us” if we are afraid of really embracing the things that make us queer or different. Embrace your queerness! Embrace the communities’ queerness.