It has been several months since we have done a real up date. Mostly due to the fact that the depression returned and I didn’t want to bore you with whining. The difference is that this week I think I have reached a fork in the road and things are going to get better. Therapy is doing well. Not so much giving me answers but at least giving me the tools to help identify root problems and set goals for getting past them.
I’ve completed an article for the Watermark Newspaper that should publish soon unless they want me me to go deeper. Very interesting article, on a support group for HIV + people with addiction. I’ll post it or a link when it publishes. I learned a lot from those people and that is helping turn a corner. Bottom line for me is I let myself get out of shape and I refuse to acknowledge that I am ok over weight. I do not buy into the whole embrace your bigness.
A decade ago the bear community was made up of men who were hairy and the Mirth and girth were their own community. Somehow they merged and now we are told we need to accept the overweight as the norm. No me. My belief for some time has been that we are spirits having a human experience. One thing we need to learn is to control our bodies. This is the root of the depression in one area. I lack the discipline to get control of the body. The weight causes half my medical problems and the look causes part of the depression. I am not use to failure.
This week marks twenty years since Ed and I met. In that time I feel like I have lost 150 lbs (and gained 175) I know what I need to do so why can’t I just do it? We are celebrating this week by taking a trip to Spain. When we get back I am not dieting again. It will be a lifestyle change. Moderating processed foods and making cardio and exercise a daily habit. In the meantimes enjoy some updates from Madrid and Barcelona. Our anniversary gift to each other. I am very lucky to have found a soul mate. Maybe the next post will be about the card reader in New Orleans and her spin on Ed. Then Madrid.